Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
