I am in a vortex of obligation.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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