I wanna passion pit in your ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
