I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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