Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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