Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I CAN MOONWALK!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
