Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
