Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize