Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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