he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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Gay?
German.
Pity.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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