Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
