im six kinds of drunk right now
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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