girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
