I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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