I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
