I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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