Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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