she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
