Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
