I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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