i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize