I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
