Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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