sarcasm needs its own font
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
