Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
