She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
