GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
