Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
