She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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