bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
