apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
