Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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