i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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