Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
