you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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