Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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