And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
