Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize