In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
