My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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