If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
wanna go halves on a baby?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
