So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
