Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
