life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
