you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
