I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
