I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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