i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
