sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
