I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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