An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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