overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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