either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
4 words: hood of his car
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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