I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
