apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
