Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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