remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
