I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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