mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
