she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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