He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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