Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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